My Love of Chile

Chile. It my home country away from the U.S. I fell in love with it as soon as I stepped off the plane on July 29th, 2010. My host family was amazing! They helped me out when I needed it. I can't thank them enough for everything they did for me.

I made awesome new friends down there. I know I don't talk to them as much as I would like to now, and I haven't seen a lot of them since I left Santiago, but they were a huge part of my trip down there.

I also love Chile because, while I was down there. I changed. That sounds cliche or stupid, but it was true. When I left the U.S. I was a quiet, shy, girl who was a people pleaser. Before I lived abroad for the semester I was afraid of living life to it's fullest. I was always scared that something bad was going to happen if I enjoyed life too much. I also was very controlling of my life. I always had my future planned out (A little too far in advance).  I was very sheltered. I had almost no contact with minority cultures outside of my education field work.

The change in myself wasn't sudden, but gradual. Over the semester I started to loosen up about always being "safe". I became more confident in the decisions I was making, and more comfortable enjoying life . I was introduced to an amazing new culture and way of life. I wasn't afraid to have fun. Not knowing what was going to happen on my mini trips outside of Santiago gave me excitement. I actually enjoyed not having complete control over everything in my future. I loved the person I was changing into, and I brought her back stateside.

However, I have slowly lost that confident girl. Over the past 4 years I have more or less reverted back into the girl I was before Chile. I miss that relaxed Chilean gringa. I am so constantly worried about the future, and where I am going to be that I have stopped living. I am so scared about disappointing and hurting others that I forget to make sure I am happy too. I am really freaking out about leaving my school for good. I keep telling people that I'll be back, but in reality I don't know where I will be. I have talked to people about this and they say, "It's okay if I don't come back, and besides it's too far in the future to think about right now."

Every time I think about leaving for Santiago I get a silly smile on my face and I feel a rush of joy come over me. I am looking forward to a change. I am looking forward to finding myself down there. I know it won't be the same as when I studied abroad since I'll actually have to work to survive. I just need to remind myself live day by day. Enjoy each moment as it comes. I'm in for an adventure of a life time.

Thanks for reading.
 Leslie

(Actually written on 5/30/14)